Communing with God

   I was reading this morning in Exodus 33, once again, about the Tent of Meeting which Moses set up outside the camp. "Everyone who wanted to consult with the Lord would go there" (v. 7). However, it was then Moses and Joshua who would actually enter the tent and experience God's manifest Presence. "Inside the Tent of Meeting, the Lord would speak to Moses...as a man speaks to his friend" (v. 11). What I never noticed was that after Moses left the tent, Joshua remained behind. In fact, I had never thought about Joshua even being there with Moses. This struck me because I wondered what it must have been like for Joshua to be present in the midst of God's glory and to experience the interchange between YHWH and Moses.  Who wouldn't want to remain behind in that place?  Why was he allowed to, I wonder?  What did he experience when he did? So many questions to ask people in Heaven when we get there.
   We now sometimes take for granted that we have access to God's ear and loving Presence every single moment of our lives, if we enter through our faith in the sacrificial gift of His Son (begotten from His love).  The Tent of Meeting is our body, our spirit within us able to commune with Him whenever we turn our face to His. He is willing to speak to us all as a friend, not just to the few chosen ones.
   People sometimes ask me 'where I go' when I close my eyes in worship. They can tell I'm someplace else at times. When I pray for people now, in my more 'advanced' years, I tend not to say very much anymore. I don't start speaking a prayer aloud right away. Sometimes they wonder if I'm stuck for what to say.  But that isn't it.  Well, in a way, it is, because I've found through the years it's better if I wait to 'connect' with God first and just let His Spirit wash over the person for whom I'm praying.  Then, if He gives me something to pray aloud, I do.  Many times, I pray only 'in the Spirit' and my words in English, if any, are few. As we invite His Presence, His Canopy covers us and we are awash in His love.  Who wouldn't want to linger there?

Hurtful Memories Buried Alive?

   After I sent the last post winging its way into cyberspace, I stood on our deck basking in soft sunlight with a gentle breeze swirling around me and heard God's whisper:  "Let the memories you've now given to me lie down in peace.  Feel My Shalom in your heart concerning them. No longer will they be buried alive, attempting to resurrect themselves.  I will carry them off with Me, where I know how to receive them. There is nothing I can't use for good, nothing out of which I cannot make something beautiful, not the least of which are compassion and mercy toward others."
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"What is God asking of us? Unabashed, unhindered, completely abandoned repentance. No faking. No hedging. No blaming. No excuses. Just, 'Have mercy on me, a sinner...' "*  
 --Beth Moore, When Godly People Do Ungodly Things

*Luke 18: 9-17

Acts of Selfishness Which Haunt Us

   When I was young, shoe stores were staffed with employees who knew a great deal about feet. They would measure your foot in a metal device for length, width and shape and then search knowledgeably for shoes that fit you correctly.  Both the shoe store staff and my doctor told my parents that I should wear 'corrective' shoes.  Now these were not only extremely expensive for that time, but they were also ugly to my young eyes (probably to anyone's eyes). My parents sacrificed from their meager income to purchase these for me, but I refused to wear them. They languished in my closet until I outgrew them.
   Years later, when I was in fifth grade, I saw a beautiful, again very expensive, dress in a department store. My parents had to be very frugal about clothing purchases, so we normally shopped once a year, before the new school year started, and bought very practical clothes (darker colors which wouldn't get dirty easily and which would be interchangeable with other items). For my birthday, they surprised me with the much too expensive dress and gave it to me early so I could wear it to a school concert in which I was singing a solo and playing a viola piece. They were so excited to give me this gift.  I decided not to wear it to the concert.  True.
   These acts of selfishness on my part have haunted me through the decades.  I know there were countless more, but these are the two that stand out like 8 x 10 photographs in living color in my mind. Why, I asked myself recently, compared to all the 'big sins' I've committed and asked and received forgiveness for in my life, has Satan so successfully tormented me with these? I've been able to receive forgiveness for, and let go of, so many grievous thoughts and actions, yet not these.
   I realized this morning that one reason is because they hurt people I loved so very dearly.  Like the time I didn't take enough action when my child was being bullied at school, these sins, 'done and left undone' were to the detriment of people for whom I would give my life. But if Yeshua's agony and death to cover my sins is enough...and His redemptive power is as great as I truly believe it is, why am I letting the Accuser torment me....so that I periodically relive these events as if they were
yesterday?
   In my June 14 post, I quoted Beth Moore's book, When Godly People Do Ungodly Things, in which she stated that we often serve as assistant Prosecutor for our own case, rather than for our Defense Attorney, Yeshua.  He's also the One Who went to prison for us and took our death sentence. He doesn't want us to live in torment over our past*. However, there may be other reasons why you and I are unable to let go of some sin in our past. We might never have treated it as such. Some actions or attitudes appear so small in our eyes that we have never confessed them as sin. Yet they still loom large in our memory. Take time to stop and confess these to the Lord.  He already knows about them, but we need to overtly ask His forgiveness for them and hear Him say, "You are forgiven, Child."  Only then can we refute the Accuser with confidence and be set free from the recurring burning of hurtful memories. Whether we were the sinner or the recipient of such sin, we can be set free:  one by asking for forgiveness and the other by offering it to others.
   Either way, when the tape begins to play once again, we can stop, rewind, and record over the
memory...seeing God's hand and perspective over the event, affirming who we now are, Who He is, What He has done, and what He is doing even now to redeem, restore, and renew.

_______________________
*"Satan hates to hear our testimonies of God's redemption so much that if you will keep reframing it with God's truth every time the devil accuses you, he will stop. Oh beloved, let's cease cooperating with the enemy and start cooperating with our faithful God. He hates to se us in torment. How needless is an agonizing conscience when we've turned from sin.  Too often we refuse to believe the cross is strong enough to cleanse our consciences."  --Beth Moore

Dark Moments

  It's always interesting how God will lead you by threads to unexpected treasures. Upon my return to the cabin in Vernonia, I found Elizabeth Goudge's Pilgrim's Inn, which I had begun last year and never finished.  A friend took the time and money to find this book and order it for me on Amazon Marketplace, after I had expressed a love for some of  Elizabeth Goudge's books. I am enjoying it immensely. On vacation, one has the leisure to savor a well-written book containing deep insight and not be in a rush to get to the next action in the plot.
   As it is with dear family and friends and books, one wants to share, rather than hoard the treasure, so I went seeking available Goudge titles, from both the library and Amazon, and discovered biography of Elizabeth on Kindle at a minuscule price (a guilt-free purchase!). Opening it to the first page, I found another treasure in God's thread of gifts:  a poem by Anne Lewin from her book of poems and prayers entitled Watching for the Kingfisher. I now share it with you, my faithful Morniing Manna friends. You can store it up for such a time as it is needed in your life. I pray this isn't that time, but I know they come for all of us.

DARK MOMENTS

'All shall be well'....
She must have said that
Sometimes through gritted teeth.
Surely she knew the moments
When fear gnaws at trust,
The future loses shape,
Gethsemane?

The courage that says
'All shall be well'
Doesn't mean feeling no fear,
But facing it, trusting God won't let go.

'All shall be well'
Doesn't deny present experience,
But roots it deep
In the faithfulness of God,
Whose will and gift is life.

Unable to Forgive Yourself?

   In the final chapters of my current Beth Moore book, I had to chuckle at her analogy about our own unforgiveness toward ourselves, even after we've repented and asked forgiveness of God (Who is always faithful to forgive when we ask*).  We still keep rehearsing the sin in our minds, the 'tape' playing on a loop. [Ok, if you're too young to get the tape thing, think of a YouTube movie on an endless loop.] "Some of us are still harboring such old guilt, it's an eight-track, for crying out loud" [Beth].  Jesus is our Defense Attorney, she says, but sometimes we voluntarily serve as a witness for the Prosecution.
   I don't like to admit to this myself, but truly, it's a sign of unbelief.  Do we sincerely believe that Yeshua's sacrifice was enough, that what He endured for us was sufficient? Or do we believe we need to continue to flog ourselves to complete His work?  Should we be handing the Enemy of our souls the darts, so he can take careful aim at our most vulnerable and sensitive spots?
   Ok, so we're past that type of unbelief. We get that we're truly forgiven, but do we still carry unbelief in our hearts regarding God's Power, Wisdom, and Faithfulness to use even the consequences of our sins and mistakes for good?
   If we hurt our children in the past, for example, through our own action or inaction, and we've seen the impact in their lives, do we truly believe that God can not only bring inner healing, but that He can redeem and transform the consequences into something wonderful?  Do we believe that He can even wipe away memories if He deems that best?  Do we believe that He can be with them in a past time and bring them solace to their hearts, since He is truly God of, and outside of, time?  Do we sincerely believe that nothing is impossible with Him?
   If so, then why are we complicit with the Evil One, allowing ourselves to continually relive the pain?  Why do we believe the Enemy more than we believe the Creator and Lover of our souls? With all He's done and continues to do for us, why do we not trust Him to do what He says He will do if
we entrust ourselves and those we love to Him? Do you and I really believe it? Then tell Him so and He will make it so.

*1 John 1:9

Conversations With God, Part II

As promised in my last post (June 7) : 'the sandwich filling'.

   When I looked back in my journal, I saw, for many days, pages of black or blue writing and then just a few lines of red.  How disproportionate, I thought. It should be the other way around. I felt as if I had been going on and on, and He might have been waiting for me to stop babbling so He could share something with me. As humans, we are often just waiting for someone to finally finish talking so we can say something back. Here is His reply (with my usual disclaimer regarding the word for word accuracy of my note-taking):
 
   "Starting with listening....a great thing.  You know, however,  that I always want to hear your heart expressed 'out loud.' Don't think you talk too much. Remember how your children used to babble excitedly to you, anxious to share? How did you receive their efforts at communication? Would you have ever wanted them to stop 'bothering you' because you had 'more important in the' things to do? Perhaps there were occasions when much was on your mind. But I have no such limitations. I am even more delighted by your overtures than you were when your little ones came to you (and as you are now when they share with you as adults). There is never a time when I am too busy or when I wish you'd stop 'going on and on.' Your communications are precious to Me...every one.
  Multi-layered sandwiches, yes.... But it's ok to have thick fillings [between My spoken bread]."

Today: "It's also a delight when you come to Me and say nothing at all. Just come to Me and dwell, abide, revel in My love for you. No words necessary.... My place of rest is healing for your soul. Your spirit bears witness.  My Goodness and Mercy chase after you; turn and receive them with open arms. Let yourself be joyfully enfolded in My very Nature. Take My hand and run with Me in the still places."

Two-Communication with God

   In my morning prayer time, I usually write out my prayers in a journal to the Lord. I speak, and then I listen and try to record, as best I can, what I hear Him saying.  I know I don't always get it exactly right, but I hope I am at least getting the gist of it.  I write my prayers in blue or black, His in red.  That way I can always easily go back and reread just His words to me. Sometimes I see only black for a day or even days and realize these have been one-sided conversations.
   Recently, however, I realized that even when I'm taking time to be still and listen, I might have the wrong order.  I should be listening first.  But wait, I also want to record His response to my prayers.  Ah...a prayer sandwich is what I should have! He speaks and I listen. I speak and He listens. Then it's His turn again.  As usual, He has an even better idea.
   "Multi-layered sandwiches are best...more like a real conversation. It's ok to have thick fillings, however.*  My bread [His spoken word to us] is nourishing and vital to your health. Keep your filling [our heart spoken to Him] encased in it. Otherwise, your filling will drip out onto the table and make a mess....a mess in your mind...a mess of your emotions. You will not find true peace there or full meaning or hope or joy or restoration or renewal.  It will all run amuck. Keep your filling tucked between my [slices of] bread to find fullness of hope and complete Rest in Me."

*More from Him on 'the filling' in the next post. 😊
[If you don't want to rely on happening to notice a post on Facebook or Google+, you can put your email in the widget box in the upper right to receive Morning Manna posts.  Julie]

A New Take on the Song "Dance Cinderella"

"Come, 'dance Cinderella' with Me.  When the clock strikes midnight, you'll be gone..........with Me."

Unusual Embroidered Masterpieces

    A family very dear to me recently received a sort of 'catch 22' medical diagnosis (darned if you do, darned if you don't) that brought me to tears. I was praying...struggling...praying..struggling, when God shared this with me:
   "Yes, I hear you, Child. I know your heart on this...what you desire for them (and desire not to happen for them)...how you trust Me but are wondering if different prayers would be better, would better yield My Will being accomplished. It's not that you don't trust Me; you don't trust yourself...that you've done all you can do, prayed all you can, prayed in the right way, prayed as many times as you should. Your thoughts and heart strings are tangled like the tapestry threads you described in your prayers this morning.
   Allow Me to carefully and gently untangle them for you. My 'world,' My 'reality,' is multidimensional in ways your mind cannot conceive or process. Layers and layers of thread sit on top of one another from your visual vantagepoint, appearing tangled, mangled, chaotically arranged.  From My perspective, they are ordered and wisely and creatively woven in, around, and through one another to design pattern and meaning and wholeness from all angles. Each thread was not initiated by Me, nor was it necessarily what I desired; yet I am the Restorer, the Redeemer, the Master Maker, and even the Inventive Recycler.
   You say, as in the old, oft-spoken analogy, that I make masterpieces appear on the top side of the fabric, and you are correct in that. However, what that imagery doesn't communicate is that I see multiple masterpieces on the underside...underneath, where I tenderly weave many lives I love together.  The old analogy has but one dimension of beauty--on the top side which you frame and hang for others to see. But I am creating, recreating, reworking, weaving and displaying simultaneously-layered works of art of just the threads on the underside, which may never appear to the rest of the world as frameable art. Not everyone will look back and say, "Yes, now I see what God was doing all along. I see the masterpiece!"


   Ask Me for eyes to better see what I see.  Trust Me in the deepest places of your soul that I carry even your mistakes and your inadequacies....your misunderstandings and your weaknesses....your misguided advice and enthusiasm, in the palm of My hand. I close my fist and press it over My heart, knowing yours. I read it continually and know when it feels like it's helplessly breaking for another. But I am not helpless, and I am not impotent. And I am not dependent on  proper expression to hear your heart's cry.
   Trust Me, despite what you see on the topside or the bottom.
   Trust Me. I not only open the eyes of the blind, unstop the ears of the deaf, and make the crippled walk, but I make beauty from ashes, joy from mourning, grace from trial, contentment from
suffering, unusual victories from defeat.  Only I can, and only I can see multiple masterpieces in seemingly tangled thread.