Come As Far as You Can

   Do you ever feel full of unrest?  You're not even sure why, but you cannot find a place of peace. A psychologist once diagnosed my mom with 'free-floating anxiety,' the kind not related to any particular concern or worry. Sometimes I struggle with that, the nameless face of anxiousness.
I know sometimes it is related to moving from one location, situation, time zone/period, or season of life to another.  However, that is not always so.  There are times when my usual comfort in the presence of God eludes me for no apparent reason. I know He has not moved away; it is I who have somehow unintentionally distanced myself from Him. I have allowed something or someone to build a wall. That instant closeness in my prayer time seems to have evaporated, and I wonder where I took a wrong turn. I find myself pursuing every distraction, to avoid actually sitting down and seeking His Word and His face. Yet I know from experience that that is exactly where deep peace and rest will be found.  How ironic.
   Chaim Bentorah, in delving into the Hebrew word Yadiyad, translated Beloved, explains that the double yad presents the image of 'hand in hand.' In fact, he says, "many ancients believed the heart was in the palm of the right hand, so when people joined their right hands together, it was a symbol of sharing each other's hearts."  He also tells a story from the Talmud "about a king who had a disagreement with his son. As a result of this falling out, the son left home to live in another kingdom. After some time, the father sent a messenger to his son, asking him to come home. The son replied, 'It is too far for me to come.' So the father sent a messenger back with this response: 'Then come as far as you can, and I will meet you.' "*
   Sometimes it's not a matter of a deliberate departure related to a disagreement, but rather a case of taking a walk, with your mind occupied elsewhere, not paying attention to where you are going.. You turn around, looking for the way home, and see you have wandered quite far away. You can barely see the castle in the distance, and your father's face is a little hazy in your mind.  You can't summon the strength or the means to make it home.  Just remember, you are your Father's Yadidah, His Beloved.  Come as far as you can towards Him, and He will come to meet you. His heart's desire is to walk hand in hand (heart to heart) with you. He will grip your small hand with His strong one and lead you home.
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*Chaim Bentorah:  Hebrew Word Study:  Revealing the Heart of God